Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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