"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
