I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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