Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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