I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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