woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
