My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
