Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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