So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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