she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
