I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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