how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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