she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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