after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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