It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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