so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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