I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
