You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
