we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
