She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a hot homeless man
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
