You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
