He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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