She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
