You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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