I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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