remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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