Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
