I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
