so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
