I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
