I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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