I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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