Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
