Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
