I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
