Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
