She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
