I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
