I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
where are my eyebrows?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
