I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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