one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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