Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
