Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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