I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found the puke drawer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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