some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
