you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
