I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
