And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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