Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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