gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
a search helicopter?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
