went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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