I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
